Sunday, October 3, 2010
There came a time on Saturday when, after leaving the park, I laid in the back of the van, getting driven around town. The person driving and the person sitting next to her were stressing, trying to find where we were going. Trying to find parking. Navigating.
I just laid in the back, with some cute boys, drinking five hour energy, and feeling the most relaxed I have in my life.
I didn't have to baby-sit at five! I didn't have to go to work the next day! I could have a beer, or five! I didn't have a car to drive, or to park and pick up later. I didn't have to navigate, cause I didn't know where we were going! I didn't have to worry about impressing boys because they were temporary just in this city for right now, and besides, my personality sparkled anyway!
Best, best moment ever.
Now it's back to the drawing board here at home. Well, not back to the drawing board. But back to living, being responsible. And believe me, I get off on that, too. This weekend I got shit done. Put $100 in the bank. Took care of my health in the form of acupuncture and workouts. Slept in. Bought some farmer's market produce. Spent time with my family.
I can't live my life like a vacation every day, but I can try.
I haven't brought it up much, but I had a hard, hard summer.
In late June I was diagnosed with anemia, which doesn't seem like a big deal. But it was. I had been wiped out for months before, and could not get through a day without a three hour nap. In addition to this, or maybe alongside this, I was dealing with a pretty strong depression.
Health issues and depression have been a pretty strong influence in my past. I do not want them to be, so I have to do what I can do get around this. I did. I worked very hard this summer on getting the iron up, and consequently, lifting my spirits.
Usually I have a hard time going into fall. I'm telling this year to bring it. Bring the rain. I survived the summer, and I can survive the winter. I'm excited with how things are going and have a new string of hope to live on.
It's the big things, but it's the little things, too.
For example: I learned that a side braid is a great way to wear your hair when it's wet from the shower.
I learned that beets are an amazing food, and if you get the sweeter variety, they don't turn your shit funny colors.
I learned that I value my cat more than my car, but I still value my car a whole fucking lot, and take great joy in getting its oil changed.
I've learned that I am appreciated by people who I have served well.
This is my life. It's a day to day. It's not glamorous or exciting, and I'm not at the point where I need it to be now. I have to take value in all the ways that I live. I need to look at experiences and how they enrich my being. I need to not feel guilty about sleeping in, as long as I'm not late to work.
Thanks for listening, readers.