We've all read posts about couponing, making lists, meal planning.
And I love all this shit, I really do, but let's get down to business.
I am going to help you plan. No, not meal plan. No, not plan on making a shopping list. Let's plan your grocery trip around the plan of the most hotties. (I use the word hottie kind of ironically.)
Photo: Me, pretending to go to the Grocery Store (I really went yesterday.)
Step 1: Do you know a grocery store where someone hot works? Go there, preferably during his hours of service. Don't talk to him, just look at him and smile and say hi. Pretend you didn't even know that he works there. Get a reasonable amount of groceries--only stuff you need! Then leave! It's also great to buy cat food so you can make conversation with a hottie about your pet if need be. Try to leave the conversation ONLY if he's the cashier. But, also, try not to get in his line, that's desperate.
2. Know the types of hotties which hang out at each store. In Seattle, I go to Safeway for the practical hotties, QFC for the practical stylish hotties, Madison Market for the elitist hotties with dreads, Whole Foods for the Livejournal hotties, Trader Joe's for the authentically hot hotties who probably make more money than the rest of the grocery store hotties, and other stores that are near the homes and businesses of other dudes I might be crushin on.
3. Wear sloppy clothes. He's more likely to be working if you are.
4. If you know he's a vegan and you eat meat, purposely buy some lunch meat. You will look like you're personally challenging him by this, and he might be turned on by it.
5. If you are shopping out of your normal neighborhood, have an excuse ready. My favorite? "Oh, I come to the UDistrict every Sunday to get coffee anyway. Now how is your cat?"
6. Don't bring a friend. For realz. It looks way too planned that way.
7. If you must write an I SAW U, keep it vague. Very, very vague.
8. Don't discount the value of hot workers at the in-store Starbucks. Trust. Me. Also don't discount the value of writing an I SAW U for a hot worker in the in-store Starbucks. Trust me again.
Now, you may think that these tips don't have to do with personal finance, but they do! First of all, taking your time to visit hotties at the grocery store adds life value to your experience. It is multi-tasking, which saves time. And time is money! Happy hunting!