Friday, December 19, 2008

Kill me now.

I know I talk a lot of shit about Ipods. That is because I think they are generally a waste of money. Well, maybe not a waste. But not NECESSARY you know? Some people act like their Ipods are like food: they will die without them. This is probably not true. You will probably not die without your Ipod. Probably.

But. I understand that they’re convenient. I understand that they’re fun. I do not think that you need to wear yours ALL the time and cut off all human communication just so you can listen to the latest Cat Power record. I don’t think that you should be buying a new one every time a new one comes out. I think of it as a luxury—kind of like pre-package convenience food. It certainly makes things easier, but for a price.

That being said, I will never own an ipod.


Yesterday I was taking a walk down to the good old community acupuncture clinic. This is normally the highlight of my week. Anyway, on my walk there, my CD player started to skip. Again. And again. And again. This happens pretty regularly. Although I am proud of my CD player and all the money that it saves me, it really can be a pain in the ass. It’s not so much having to listen to one CD at a time—I don’t really mind that. It’s the skipping. A lot of my CDs are really old and there are songs on them that I just can’t listen to. Sometimes it’s a whole half of a CD that I can’t listen to.

As this was happening yesterday I was like “Damn it! Eff this! I am buying an ipod!” Then I cursed myself for even thinking of such an unethical and outrageous solution. Then I remembered that I could have an MP3 player without being too much of a trendy bitch—I could buy a Zune…

Yes, it’s the same thing. But at least it’s not an ipod, right? White ear “buds” attached to a secret container in your pocket? What is that, a pot reference?

Today I am stuck working from home because of the copious amounts of snow outside. So, on one of my breaks I decided to do some Zune research. In the past when I considered buying a Zune I thought that maybe I would get the 80 GB one. Go big or go home, right?

Then I realize that an 80 GB Zune was completely unnecessary. Let’s say my current CD collection has about 100 cds. I listen to approximately 50 of these cds on a regular basis (if that).

The “Zune 16” holds 4,000 songs. Let’s say the average CD has about twelve songs on it. That means that the “Zune 16” holds approximately 333 CDs. Since I only have 100 cds, and many of them are rap-rock from the late 1990’s that I would rather die than listen to, maybe the” Zune 16” would make sense.

“But,” you might say. “What about all that sweet music that you are going to download off of ‘I Tunes’ every day?”

“Do not fret,” I would say back. I think that buying a ton of stuff off of this “Itunes” business would be a waste of money for me. I do not usually stay current with new music, and maybe buy a CD every two months at the very most. So, even after uploading 50 CDs onto my brand new Zune, I would still have room for 283 more. And, if I bought a CD every month (unlikely) and added that to the device, it would take me almost two years to fill it up!

And by then I will be so into my Zune that I will be the new model, because the old one will be as outdated as the Discman I currently rock out with.

So, my friends, I might buy an Mp3 player. But I swear that I won’t be proud of it.

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